All the Leaves are Brown, and the Sky is Gray

In March, we decided that we would move our family to California to do an intern with HP for the summer. We would call Palo Alto home from about June to mid August. Until May arrived, and we could move out west, we just dreamed about the California sun as we continued to live in a record breaking winter. Lots of freezing temperatures and lots of dark days.

It was an incredibly rough winter, but there were so many other factors that contributed to this. I found out I was pregnant in February and from March on, I felt awful. I couldn't tell if I was just feeling worse because of the weather, my age, my third pregnancy or if the winter really was just that awful.  

We spent a lot of time indoors. We went to the library one day a week, the science center at least once a week, we wandered around the toy section of various stores and just tried to survive; one day at a time.

                          

We got really creative with our inside activities. Lots of building of forts, mazes, tunnels, box creations and lots and lots of science experiments.

And then there was lots and lots of movies and lots and lots of snuggling.

If there ever was a break in the gray sky, we bundled up and headed outside. Freezing or not! We just kept thinking of California and trudging on.

We tried to find any opportunity to get out and see something new. In April, Cornell's Vet School had an open house and it was probably the highlight of our "spring." We grabbed Garrity the Bear, who had a big open seam in his back, and headed to surgery.

Then all at once the days began getting warmer, but warmer is a relative word when you've been living through below freezing temperatures for months on end. BUT we embraced the "heat wave" and got to spend more time outside.

 We were all finally starting to feel better. My pregnancy had been an unusual one in many different ways, but everything was starting to feel normal and the sunshine seemed to be the cure. But, sometimes "life gets trashy with you" (thanks again for this little phrase Dad). Ace and I went in for a regular prenatal checkup at around 16 weeks and discovered that we had lost the baby. We were all heartbroken and confused but we NEVER felt alone or unloved. This tragic experience made us appreciate our family more and our dear friends more, both near and far.


Our faith in humanity skyrocketed as we watched people, who knew us for less than a year, surround us with love, support, food, a shoulder to cry on, and so so much more.

We had the choice of having a D&E done or delivering at 16 weeks. With lots of conversations, prayers and tears we decided to have the D&E a week before starting our road trip west to California.

On Mothers Day the primary kids went to the front to sing their little hearts out for their mothers. Garret really wanted to help make me feel better and so he bravely went to the front of the church with Ace, but the pressure was too much and so he turned and put his back to the congregation the entire time. Ace got this sweet shot of him on the stand. It actually made me really happy and this picture continues to make me smile.

Ace was absolutely amazing during this time!! He was clearly sad and mourning, but he was definitely the strong one with lots of inspired thoughts and much more comforting than I was. He barely left my side during the whole ordeal. He missed classes, group meetings and never even let on to me that he was doing any of it. He just focused on keeping me and the boys happy. I LOVE this man of mine. It makes me teary to think of how blessed beyond measure I am to have him.




Shay came to my rescue, like he's done so many times. He helped me pack, grieve, and drove from Ithaca to Bayfield with us. He was a huge anchor for my shaky foundation. Austin and Asia came to see us in Ithaca for a few days and loaded up our car for us. They entertained boys and lifted our spirits with their love. We also got to spend a few days sightseeing with them in NYC and NJ as we searched for Stryker family grave-sites and history.

It seemed like everything was such awful timing, but having family come and transitioning so quickly away from this nightmare was a tender blessing I didn't see until I was removed from everything thousands of miles away in California.